Saturday - Day 139 - A Family

James befriended a family today.  He found a new friend to  play with.  They had water guns and it was exciting and new.  The family was different from us, yet the same.  

I am a concerned parent and I want to know what my son is doing, who he's with and where he is, at all times.  If I could, I would be in my son's space every second of every day knowing exactly what he is doing, how he is acting and who he is with.  But, the reality of life is, this simply is not possible. 

I also want my son to learn independence, learn his boundaries and learn a life without mom to monitor his every move.   He is a social child, he makes friends easily and others seem to gravitate around him.  This is a curse and a blessing all in one.  

I am suppose to think the worse about strangers.  Automatically, I am suppose to think they are bad, that they want to hurt my child in some way and take away his innocence.  These vicious thoughts are ingrained in my head and with the right combination of circumstances, I will always think the worse. 

I checked on James many times throughout the day, after I was aware of his new found friend.  I was not sure about this family.  I admit, I stereotyped to the extreme, the grandma smoked, the men had many tattoos and bad teeth, the boy didn't speak properly and was a few years older than James.  The girl liked frogs and I'm unsure how the brown skinned teenager fit in, considering the rest of the family was white.  And where were the mothers?  I had plenty of questions, but James did not know better, he was happy to play and to have new friends.  My son is oblivious, as he should be, and I certainly would not want anyone judging him, I was in a delicate predicament. 

There was no mama with the family, just a grandma, two men and a bunch of kids.
The photo speaks volumes though

Each time I checked on James, he was happy and smiling, catching frogs or riding bikes.  They were just a normal family on vacation who looked different,  this was my conflict.

Grandma was a bit rough looking. 

Why is society, me included, so quick to judge others?  We are all raising our children with the best tools we can.  We all care and try to do the right thing by our children.  I talked to the boy and the grandma.  There was not anything so out of the ordinary about them, other then something just didn't feel right.  I spoke briefly to one of the fathers, I sensed he served time, or came close to it.  My problem was, I was not sure if I was sensing their self conscious feelings, about what I thought of them or if was my overactive imagination.  Life often throws us curve balls and this would be one of those times to force me to reflect.  

My son is the most important thing to me, I am sensitive to his feelings and expectations as well as my own, and this situation was extremely challenging for me.  He seemed to like this family better than his own.  Why wouldn't it bother me?  He refused to follow my directions on staying close to our camper, where I could see him.  All he wanted was to play with his new friend.  

My biggest conflict was thinking the worse, and the boy, (that James was playing with), brought James' bike back to our camper in the pouring rain.  A rain that answered my prayers, as I could keep James inside with me the rest of the evening while they played manhunt in the dark.  The boy also wanted to give Ty his toy car when we were at the pool, the boy had manners and he was very sweet in his own way.  The grandma offered food to James when they ate lunch earlier and chips to Ty at the pool.  Yet, this made me uncomfortable, but I'm not sure why.  They were all very nice to James the entire time the boys played together.  They were a family on vacation having fun.  Instead of taking time to get to know them and enjoy James' experience with them, I worried needlessly, because I let my judgements get the worse of me.  

The family was only at the campground another day.  I knew they would be leaving, and we would go back to our regular lives again.  My so called normal life.  Life is harder for some people, more than for others, it shows in their appearance, their mannerisms and the way they speak.  Their smile and teeth tell a lot, yet I often take life for granted when I don't see these things everyday.   

We all have struggles in life and this doesn't make us bad.  We all enjoy the simple things in life, like time with our family, and for the most part everyone is good.  But, what if, someone is not good, how do you know for sure if your child is in real danger?  Danger has no social or economic barriers.  Bad people exist in all forms, they are rich and poor.  We simply do not know, and the bad ones will hide their bad very well.  

I raise James to be mindful and thoughtful and to understand if anyone ever makes him uncomfortable to let me or his dad know immediately.  I feel he is a target, yet I won't always be there every moment of his life, so I keep a watchful eye and remind him often that I love him and will always protect him and keep him safe. 

I try not to take anything for granted, people are different, and I work hard to embrace our similarities, instead of focusing on our differences.  But, my mommy instincts will always take over, and mommy instincts are hard to push away when all your child wants to do is play.