Sunday - Day 245 - treasure boat

The weather has become significantly cooler in Florida.  We are in full blown fall, the heat goes on in the mornings simply to nip the chill out of the camper.

It is our third season in the camper. It has become clear how much we have accumulate over the last eight months. Although, I am very conscious of what we purchase and dispose of, due to our limited living space, despite my efforts there is still accumulation. I rarely buy anything that is not an absolutely necessity and I'm cautious on what I take in for free.  There is no room for excess.

Our cabinets are now stuffed with larger, warmer clothes we pulled from storage for Ty.  They use to belong to James.  

Long sleeves and shirts for Ty.
We are ready for cooler weather

Another set of cabinets is stuffed with James' Pre-K art work from over the summer.  

James has taken it upon himself to decorate the camper with his artwork and graded school papers. 

I wake up to this each morning.
Who needs a mirror? 

James is proud of his work,
how can I argue with this? 

I also decorated with Ty's artwork in the living area. 

Ty's artwork
(and Jacket)

The refrigerator is littered with weekly school flyers and the school calendar.

Large photo magnets barely hold everything in place. 

Our DVD cabinet is the worse.  It is James catch all for little toys, pencils, markers, sharpeners, and anything that gets picked up off the floor gets thrown in here. 

DVD disaster cabinet

I wonder, do I clean everything out now or wait until we are ready to pack up and move?  Our camper is lived in, comfortable and safe.  It's become a bit cluttered and we have some plenty of stuff we should probably trash, but not yet. 

James has a way of collecting needless things that are imortant to him. I wait for just the right time to trash his worthless junk.  Once he tires of a new toy, normally when it's falling apart, or has missing pieces, I place it in it's appropriate home (the trash!!).

James has made a treasure chest home for himself in his bunk.  He hangs his artwork and loves his little treasures stored in every nook and cranny.  I won't take away his cave treasures, but at the same time the sooner I trash an old one the more room he will have for new treasures.  

At the head of James bed
(under the mattress)

He is a true little pack rat.  It's funny to know, but unnerves me to see. I hide things under his blanket, pillow and mattress so I won't have to see his clutter, especially, when I make his bed.

James my little pack rat - pirate child with his treasure boat - I mean bunk.  

At the foot of James bed
(under the mattress)

Saturday - Day 244 - Fall Harvest Festival

Today John and I had a much needed weekend study break.  We ventured out into the world and enjoyed a Saturday at The Fall Harvest Festival at James' school. 

There were so many reasons that made this day special.  We had quality time as a family, it was a gorgeous day and James was ecstatic to be participating in a school event.  He had his friends, his family and his world was complete.  He spends more hours at school than anywhere else and it is his safe haven, a positive environment in so many ways. 

I felt, while attending this PTA school sponsored event, a little warm and fuzzy about where my son attends school.  

There is a sense of true belonging, parents are nice, the school is well equipped and the teachers have been outstanding. 

Sometimes faith lends a hand in our destiny

James rode a horse for the first time.  We will consider sending him to riding camp this summer.  He was more than comfortable, I was proud and a little surprised he had no hesitation.  

James sung with the kindergarteners and first graders.  He has grown up before my  eyes.  It was the first of many performances in the cafeteria/auditorium.  

These moments are like isolated gems in our memory.  Today will resurface at his high school graduation.  John and I will look at one another and say, 

"Remember when we went to his first Fall Harvest Festival, he was in kindergarten.  It feels like only yesterday...."   

Friday - Day 243 - Sacrifice

Sometimes when we love someone we make personal sacrifices, but often we lose a piece of ourselves along the way.

We instinctively sacrifice for our kids. We may often sacrifice for our significant other and hopefully for our family.  We do so for our close friends.

How often do we make so many sacrifices that we forget ourselves, and do not forgive ourselves when we put others first and then feel resentful or unappreciated?  When does sacrifice begin to stunt our own growth?

Sacrificing selflessly is a learned virtue many of us never have the ability to master without time to teach us the best way.  Often we learn to sacrifice selflessly for a short time and than we forget when life gets hard and in our way.

To give of ourselves and never expect anything in return, even if it is only care and concern for someone else's needs, is an extremely vulnerable place to be.

It is a place we visit and then retreat from repeatedly, when we ultimately discover the pain and hardship others are coping with is too hard to bare.  Or on the opposite spectrum, we must find sincere joy for someone else's good fortune.

I feel I do not sacrifice as often as I would like to.  I am my own worse critic, but aren't we all?  I am nice to strangers, I let one, sometimes two, cars ahead of me in the traffic maze at school, I will go above and beyond when it comes to the easy stuff.  I can be pleasant and make easy conversation, even be mindful of making someone laugh or smile during light conversation. But, being polite and considerate is not true sacrifice.  

I have not taken time to truly know many of my neighbors, I do not go deep with all, but a few select friends.  The ones I feel safe with, I will share advice from my own personal experiences, judgement free, but I rarely share my own deep feelings and therefore do not necessarily expect others to share with me.  And in this respect, I sacrifice my relationships, instead of sacrificing for my relationships.   I, of course, sacrifice for my husband and for my boys, and hope as they grow older our bonds will strengthen as they enter adulthood.  

The sacrifice I speak of, is to truly empathize and understand another's life path.  It could be financial woes, parenting struggles, a difficult childhood, a strained marriage, or unknown sadness.  No one has a perfect life and we never really know where someone else has been. We have all struggled on different levels at sometime in our lives.  Things we have done and things that have been done to us.  It is all part of living our lives.  

I have learned being honest with my own feelings comes with judgement from others, pity or mainly misunderstandings.  It is difficult to open up when we do not know how our emotions will be received.  Especially, when people use their own truth to compare to ours.  

More importantly, how do we accept others' truth without putting our own personal emotions onto their situation?  It cannot be done without pure sacrifice and selfless understanding.

It is true we all have hurt feelings and a past that has made us who we are today.  We let those feelings get in the way of our relationships.  We have all made sacrifices to get to today.  We have compromised ourselves each day to be someone we think others expect us to be.
We 'sacrifice' ourselves when we should be 'giving of' ourselves without any expectations.

To sacrifice selflessly, (give of ourselves), is to take our selfish selves out of the equation.  To do it without any expectation and without compromising who we are.  This is a delicate balance and it is difficult to maintain.

When we find that special place within ourselves we maintain our own integrity, without ever feeling hurt or resentful.  We offer sincerity without any doubt we did so for the right reasons. We do so from the goodness of our heart, selflessly, regardless of the other person's expectations.

Thursday - Day 242- And We Ran ALL the Way Home

John was out of town this week for a trade show.  All the fun morning chores, including walking the dog, were on me. 

I have my mornings efficiently planned to the minute, and as long as we're out the door no later than 7:30AM, James gets to school with time to spare, and I leave school grounds with my favorite crossing guard. 

All was going smoothly.  That is until, I walked the chaotic dog.  We walked 

as far to the next empty camping spot, right next to our RV.  All the silly dog needed to do was pee on a tree and we were good to go. 

Just when I thought my few minutes allocated to dog walking were uneventfully completed, a little, stinking, dog comes yapping, I mean barking, while running our way.  I quickly realized he was accidentally freed by his frantic owner. 

I looked at the miniature dog, and eyed Rabbit, as he was alerted with anticipation of his prey.  

Now how do I do handle this unexpected scenario? 

The owner was older, and unable to catch his dog quickly.  If I didn't move quick,  Rabbit would surely take one chomp out of his little dog.  

Now, the dogs may or may not have scrapped, for all I knew they may have sniffed each other's butts.  But, I couldn't wait to find out, so I ran.  

Me and my BIG dog RAN ALL the way home.  We ran from the little scrappy dog.  We ran as fast as possible to our RV.(parked right next to where we were standing.)

The little dog was uncomfortably close to catching up to us, but we made it.  I was almost certain that little dog was going to follow us right into the camper, Yapping the entire time!!  

Funny how it's the little things that put a jump in our day. 

Wednesday - Day 241 - Change

I went on another job interview this week, it was with a long standing public accounting firm.  I was called back for a follow up today, which is very optimistic. Life can change at any moment. Being ready, able and willing to change is the challenge.  

I volunteered at James school again today.  Every Wednesday morning I assist James' teacher with future projects and with class centers.  

When I help cut out projects, or sort future worksheets, I listen to part of a lesson and a story being told.  I smile knowing the life lessons being taught in this classroom, will last James for a lifetime.   

When I work in centers with James' classmates, (centers are individual work time) they know me now and are comfortable coming to me with questions.  They are sweet and fun to watch.  I enjoy my time in class immensely.  

I also have the privileged to spend time with James during his lunch afterward I volunteer.  He loves to sit outside and talk to me.  He shares all sorts of stories about school and his classmates.  

This could all come to an end, at anytime, once a job offer comes.

This is change I won't embrace, however I will accept it.  

Our campground has changed.  Snow birds have come and set up house all around us.  They are here for the long haul, name signs are hung, lawn lights set out, satellite dishes are in place, they are definitely not going anywhere, anytime soon.  We were not here last year, I would suggest we are a change for them as well.

Cha...Cha..Change 
Right across from our RV

This is change I will embrace.  Things are very much the same with us, but the world around us is different.  

Whether change is in my span of control or not, I will always be ready to adapt.

Without change we can never appreciate where we have been as we move forward.  

Tuesday - Day 240 - My Dad

I'm a huge believer that with the right attitude anything in life can be overcome and turned into a positive.  A strong mind is a healthy mind, a healthy mind is a strong will and a strong will produces a healthy body. 

It is a vivacious cycle, that separates the strong and the weak, survival of the fittest.  Bad health can affect our thoughts, negative thoughts affect our good health, turning those thoughts around will speed the healing process.  

I watched my own father survive two open heart surgeries, two hip replacements and spend a year with a colonoscopy bag, all in a ten year span. He managed through his illness like a pro, a champ who would allow nothing to get him down.  He survived because of his will, one I often tested as a teenage girl.  

My father loved sincerely and always had a story or joke to share with his guests.  He appreciated his food and was Italian through to his core.  No one could fault my dad for his strong mind and open opinions, because he was alive each day he lived on this earth.  

Than one day it was his last day. He had no outstanding health issues other then his arthritis which prevented his body from moving and walking well.  The day came and it was his day to leave and move on. 

Within hours of arriving to the hospital his organs began to fail him.  He had been a survivor over and over again, until the very moment when it was time to let go. 

My sister recalled the story to me: 

The night before our father's death, he watched a ball game with her kids, they ate dinner and he was laughing and acting fine.  It was his last hooray with his family.  No one suspected a thing. 

On his way to the hospital, as he left his home, he bid his farewell, as if he knew it would be his final Good-Bye.  

Life can be fascinating like that, 

when it's time, it is time.  

Monday - Day 239 - Saying Good-Bye

I woke up at 4:30 am to catch my flight out of New York and make the trek back to my home in Florida.  It is times like these, I wish my mother did not live so far away; saying "Good-Bye" was not an easy thing to do.

I promised my mother, I would visit again as soon as I could and I would make more frequent trips to see her.  It would be a challenge, with tight November and December schedules, a potential job opportunity looming overhead and my husband's tight schedule, but I truly believe: "when there is a will, there is a way".  Anything is possible once perspective is placed around a situation.

As I sat in my airline seat, ready to take off, my thoughts drifted to my mom, "How will she cope?"  "Would her spirits lift or would she continue on as she is?"  

Overall, she is frail, discouraged, struggling with her breathing and has other health issues.  My mother's response to me when I had asked her, "But what happened?  You were managing on your own and well, when we were here in May."  She claimed her body was failing her.  She feels that age has simply caught up to her.  

This is a sobering reality.  But if she could only just...... I considered my own thought process and how I would mange with my own aging dilemmas.

I do not believe aging aliments are solely due to genetics.  We may indeed have predispositions to certain diseases, however what we think and how we think plays a significant role in what manifests throughout our physical bodies.  

I have excellent examples of friends, relatives and even myself, where positive thinking, good intentions, and true hope, without significant worry, have created something short of miracles in our lives every day.

To believe is to "BE A LIVE!"

As I sat on my airline flight, I thought long and hard about what I would do if this was the last time I saw my mother alive.  Deep down, I do not necessarily think this to be true; however, I engaged the possibility as to not be naive around the fact that she is an aged, almost 78 year old, woman.  Her ability to continue as she is, without hope playing a role, is my only true concern.

"Hope" is the difference between Heaven and Hell

I, in turn, give my mother spiritual hope, I give her something to look forward to when I talk to her about her grandchildren, I write and talk about my mother, knowing positive thoughts and prayers will be sent to her.  I will not let her go on without a fighting chance to be happy in the time that follows.  

People often talk about "life being short", however, the magnitude of these words, compounded by a loved one facing their own mortality gives these words an entire new meaning.

 Life becomes shorter when you look back at the life you have already lived.  

Today will be better than yesterday

Sunday - Day 238 - 2 girls and a wrench

What happens when two females are left alone, with a tool chest and a shower head to replace?  

I would like to say absolutely nothing.  It's a no brainier task, easily achievable without the help of a man. 

My own father taught me to use his tools, I can manage my way around small household tasks.  Give me a drill any day, I have no fear!

Maybe some fixers are more complex then others.  One sister stands by with a watchful eye, a second sister (me) grabs a nice size wrench out of her father's tool chest.  "Piece of cake!"  "Easy Peasy" as my son would say.  

I take the wrench and attempt to twist the stiff old shower head off, to replace it with a new, more manageable one with a long hose.  The old shower head would not budge.   

After many tries, I was pretty certain I should have given up.  It could not be done, but I heard my father's voice in my head. "Try a second wrench to hold the pipe in place."  

The water pipe attached to the shower head was already wobbly.  "What the heck," I thought, "I'll give it one more try."

Second wrench in hand with the help of my older sister, we waited with anticipation  for the shower head to pop off.  I clamped the second wrench to the pipe and held it while I tried to twist the shower head off.  Although, something did not feel right, I was sure it could be done.  

I think that sad shower head was older than me.  I made one more go of it, my father egging me on in the back of my mind. "Just hold it and twist it this way."

And...CRACk!

"Pop!"   That was it!  The pipe and the showerhead came off together.  It was completely broken.  "Ahhhhh, I think I twisted too hard."

Lucky for me my sister has an overly eager boyfriend aiming to please.  He took one look at the shower-less shower and shook his head.  He nicknamed me Hercules, dumbfounded how my sister and I could so so much damage in such a short amount of time. 

Ironically he had seen an old friend earlier who just happened to be a plumber.  Sometimes things go awry so we can see the magic of life, events present themselves and come together on their own.  

My mom, sat in her chair, with no knowledge of what was going on. This was a true sitcom moment if there ever was any.  She asked what happened, who was coming, what did we need?  We gave only simple, no worry answers.  She was satisfied with them all.  Sometimes, old people are like children,  they believe anything you say for face value.  

As the plumber swooped in and fixed the damage, my mother continued to watch television.  Although, her own home was funnier than anything she could have been viewing. 

The plumber comes in with a blow torch and soldered the broken pipe.  He had to cut a hole in the bathroom supply closet.  My mom's toiletries littered the bathroom along with saw dust.  

My sister and I and her boyfriend were stunned.  If our mother saw the disaster she would have been a mess of emotions.  

A quick clean up and she was never the wiser, and the shower was fixed within an hour, but who would have thought....

two girls and a wrench could do so much damage?  

Saturday - Day 237 - Family

Family are the people in our lives we did not choose to have in our lives.  We were born to share our lives together. 

Our family is a spectrum of personalities, although we may have been raised in the same culture and have similar appearances and mannerisms, we still differ in so many ways.

The unique truth about family, is that no matter what differences may arise at one point in our lives or regardless of how we may get under each other's skin, our family will always be there for us in times of need.  They will always understand us on a level that no one else will.  

I have such a large family that sometimes years will go by before I see some of them.  However, my mother, my siblings, nieces and nephews I see more often. 

Nieces and nephews are my favorite family.  They love us even if we act a little crazy.  They are fun to talk to, they are easy to spend time with, and under traditional circumstances, we get to see them grow up and watch them make their own life choices.   

I have three nieces and two nephews and I love them all dearly.  (Not counting my friend's boys who call me "Aunt LeeAnn")

My two nephews and one of my nieces are all grown up, in their early, mid to late twenties.  I was a child when my oldest sister began having children.  I've had the luxury to be a significant part of their lives, until I myself was in my late twenties and moved to Dallas, TX.  

Since then, they have grown, from pre-teens to teenagers, college students to graduates.  Now, they are young adults, and in a blink of an eye, they may be married and possibly even parents.  It has been incredible to watch them grow up.  I am extremely proud of them for so many reasons.  

My oldest nephew  is an outstanding chef.  He is highly intelligent with an exceptional heart.  Although he has a reserved side, I aways sense he can open up to me at anytime.  He was the first born, and we spent a lot of time together when he was young.  We are only 11 years apart, creating a unique bond.  I have an enourmous amount of respect for him, turning his career dreams into a realty.  It takes courage to redirect your career. 

My second nephew is slowly, but surely paving his life path, working hard to get into law enforcement.  I expect he'll be pleasantly surpised once he achieves his goals and realizes how much he is capable of. He has charisma and personality to succeed at anything he puts his mind to, but sometimes it is hard to know exactly what we want to do.  I envision his future as a confident man, with all his untapped potential revealed.  I am enthused to see where he will find himself in the next three-five years. 

My oldest niece is one of the most beautiful, and sweetest people I know. She is perfect in so many ways, although sticks to what she is familiar with.  Unlike her wanderlust aunt, she is not a fan of taking risks, a quality I have a difficult time relating to.  I know my niece can do and be anything she chooses.  In her own time, she will find her independence and when she does, she will discover how her own internal beauty touches the world around her in a positive light. 

If I have one regret moving away from New York, it would be that I was not there for my nephews and inparticular my niece.  They have grown into young men and woman.   My sister did an excellent job even when life threw her a few curve balls.  

I love and appreciate my dynamic family, sometimes more than I allow them to them to realize it.