We all have a spouse or significant other who causes us stress. They have feelings, life stresses and may even fight with us due to their own life challenges. We love them, many of us live with them and they are an important part of our everyday lives.
How do we do it? How do we hang in their for the long haul? In the past, when life with my significant other grew too much to bare, I would run for the hills and seek out an easier mate to spend eternity with.
After getting married, I realized I would have to put a little more work into my relationship and do a little soul searching in the process.
True story: My husband is an overachiever. (although he does not define himself as so). He will always have a lot on his plate and may at anytime in his life be experiencing stress on some level. It could a cluttered house, the kids, his job, his law school schedule, a home project, or restoring a car. This is why I fell in love with the man, he has many interests and many skills and he is a 'doer'. He enjoys all of it, but it doesn't mean a perfect storm will never brew, it does not mean he won't get stressed out at times. His stress will trickle into our relationship, how can it not?
I, however, after more than seven years of marriage have learned to cope, understand and not allow his problem/stress/situation to infringe on my own mood. I am there to be a support, a listener and a friend. I am not the person to solve his problems, and although I will give him my loving two cents, ultimately he will always work it out and be back to his happy, productive, fulfilled self in no time.
My husband makes me a better person because of who he is and he always wants to make life better, happier and more fulfilling for his entire family. He's a good, loving man, with the best of intentions, which is all I ever needed in a life partner.
With that said, we all have our positive traits, but with it comes some negative and a level of stress. My husband may be tired, sick or have work anxiety, but I have learned instead of trying to change him, I changed how I react to his stress. I use to internalize his stresses and try to fix them, to take care of him, but once I identified they are his stresses, not mine to manage, I relaxed and changed my mind on how to deal with it.
I am still sensitive to his moods, but if for example, our child is crying or being LOUD and my husband is on a business call, I will not allow it to stress me out. I will manage the situation accordingly. If the house isn't super clean before he gets home, I won't sweat it, but I may tidy up becasue he would do it for me.
I believe living in an RV together has actually brought us closer together, considering we have to comprise on so many things, space being the biggest compromise.
John and I have survived many things together, and I think cohabiting in a camper with two small kids and a crazy dog has helped us reach a point of no return. If we can survive this and still be happy we will survive anything.
I honesty do not think it matters what your spouse does or doesn't do, if they are happy or sad, positive or negative, busy or lazy, at some point they will stress you out, make you upset or find a way to push your buttons. Removing this trigger, not responding to the trigger, letting it go and releasing the emotion, removes the stress in its entirety. It may take some time, but a conscious effort goes a long way.
We are only in control of our own emotions, no one else's.
I found as a result, there are less misunderstandings, there is less arguing, and more connecting. I find myself appreciating my husband with brand new eyes and it makes me love him more, because I am focused on him not his mood. And life is good and easy like that. Love your partner, not his mood.
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