Thursday - Day 186 - My Mom

Somedays come and go and although there is nothing significant about the day in general, there is a chain of emotional events that bring light to specific realities in our life.  

I printed a family photo for James to hand in with a school project.  I made a decision to print photos and mail them directly to my mom at the same time.  It had been too long since I sent her photos of the boys. 

I send happy photos of the boys to my mom!

My mom is a wonderful woman.  She is strong and thoughtful and has taught me many of my values growing up.  Many of which, have taken me until adulthood to appreciate, but I know I am a better person because of her basic life lessons. 

Printing photos of the boys for my mom is one of the few connections I can create between her and her grandchildren.  She does not go online or have a smartphone.  She does not know what FaceTime or Tango is.  

My mom and baby Ty

.....20 months later

My mother sees her grandsons about twice a year, and in between visits all I can do to maintain their relationship is to physical mail photos.  Although, lately, with Ty and James getting older, I send photos less frequently. 

My mom and baby James
(Rabbit and Marcella too)

Five and half years later

The reason I share these thoughts is due to my mom being sick and homebound for the last four months, if not longer.  She has breathing problems, swollen feet due to her breathing medication and she recently had a scan to check a spot on her lung.  It's been a rough year for my mom.  It's been a hard reality to swallow and I still can not believe my mom will turn 78 in December. 

As I drove to pick the boys up from school today, I reflected and thought long and hard about my mother's future.  Would she get well and begin her active lifestyle again or would she continue to get worse and not leave the house for the rest of her life.  I shuddered at the sad and scary possibility. 

Talking to my mother on the phone is never enough, and I often wish my boys knew their grandmother well and had a better relationship, as they do with John's parents. 

Life is full of bitter realities, many we choose to ignore, not relate to or understand.  
I love my mom more then I think she realizes.   My plan is to make sure she knows how much I care, each and every time I speak to her.  One day, when I am wishing I can pick up the phone to call her, I do not EVER want to have any regrets that she never knew how much I loved her every day of my life. 

I remember my last conversation with my father before he passed away.  If I had known it would be our last conversation, I would have shared so much more with him.  Now all I can envision is my dad waiting patiently for my mother, to be reunited and live eternity, pain free.  A brief happy thought, among the sad ones.