Thursday - Day 263 - Love (part 1)

I use the word "Love" loosely as the title for this two part blog series.
My inspiration is a friend who has been going through some love tribulations.  However, before I get into her romance dilemma, (in Part 2), I'll share a few personal experiences regarding the coveted emotion we call "Love". 

"As easy as Love comes - It can slip away"

If you ask my husband how he and I met, he'll share our "love at first sight" romance.   Seven months from the day when our world wind courtship began, we were married on a beach.  It's a fairy tale, because that's exactly what I opened my heart to.  Isn't that what every hopeless romantic dreams up?

"Fairy tale Love"

My fairy tale did not come without a history of failed love affairs.  I have had happy and sad tails of romance gone awry.  Boyfriends who came in and out of my life, shaping my views of what is and isn't true about love.  Love that I initially thought could last forever. 

I also had love crushes, by me and for me, that were never reciprocated.  Potential love never to be realized, transformed into distant memories of what could have been, but never meant to be. 

I was fortunate to have opened my heart to love without fear.  In some cases, intense "like" may be a better description.  

With that said and with the hope that none of my previous boyfriends are reading my blog, I will choose to share two significant and very real loves.   

One whose heart I broke and the other who ironically broke mine.

"Young Pure Love"

One of my first boyfriends had the sweetest hearts and he loved me with all his heart.  He would have moved mountains for me.  I loved him sincerely for a many months until I suddenly changed my mind and stopped.  To this day, I'm still not certain what changed,  immaturity laced with feelings of discontentment?   It is hard to pinpoint, considering there was nothing wrong with him. I discovered his heartbroken feelings would change me, they moved me in ways I had no idea could exist.  I hurt someone I cared deeply for and it hurt immensely.  

My lackluster love could not compare to what he felt for me and I choose to let him go; Only to one day understand the essence of the innocent, unscathed love I experienced at 17, was exactly what I needed, right before I met my husband.  

My heart had come full circle. This is a love of sincerity, the sweet love with endless boundaries that is extremely hard to come by.  When we are young our hearts have not experienced heartache, they are whole, broken-less hearts, pristine with hope and anticipation of what true love is. 

"Lost Love"

I had my own heart broken a few years later.  My college boyfriend, who again loved deeply, never having his heart torn to shreds, fell into my life and stole my heart.  He and I had an instant connection, one which was too strong for me to grasp or comprehend.  One I took for granted.  As much endless potential he and I had, I believe we met too early in life.  After only one short year as a couple, he walked out of my life as quickly as he walked into it.  He let me go and I was forced to fly alone.  It crushed my spirits, my self esteem and left a huge whole in my heart, one I had to to mend.  It was a slow, painful process. 

"Heartbreaking Love"

Years later, I learned how my past has shaped who I have become today.  I am better having loved and lost.  I am a better wife and mother.  I can pull from my archive of feelings to truly empathize with family, friends and eventually my children when they experience their first or lost love.  

Most importantly, I found happiness, the kind that can not be lost, as I know what the other side of happiness feels like and it is a difficult place to thrive. 

The thing about any lost love is, it never goes away, it hibernates and resurfaces in new ways when we are ready to bring it back into our lives.